Thanks to Tom for sending along  the wisdom of his dog Stitch.

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Gourmet’s Christmas Newsletter
Whole Roasted Reindeer With Christmas Elf Stuffing
This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions
but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we
shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.
The list of ingredients is as follows:
1. 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed [...]

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There were two blondes who went deep into the woods
searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls
with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said,
“I’m chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether
it’s decorated or not!”

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A grandad asked his grandson what he wanted for Christmas.
“I want a bike, an iPod, some football boots and a Nintendo Wii,” he replied.
“When I was a boy,” said grandad, “all I got was an orange and an apple.”
“WOW!” said the grandson, “a mobile phone AND a computer?”

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
What do you get if you cross Kris Kringle with a detective ?
Santa Clues!
One Christmas I got a battery with a note saying, “Toy not included.”
What’s a Beatnik?
Santa Claus the day after [...]

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Top 20 Things Overheard on the Wise Men’s Journey to Bethlehem
20. You’ve heard the old saying about the Camel being the ship of
the desert?  WELLLLL, I’m getting seasick.
19. OK, we got gold. We got the frankincense.  We got the Myrrh.
Think we should get something more practical, like diapers
maybe?
18. I thought this was SUPPOSED to be [...]

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It’s a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we’re about to
play. In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an
expression commonly used at Christmastide.  Answers repose at the end
of this column.
1. On December 24, Adam’s wife was known as _____ _____.
2. In Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was [...]

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Have a Punny Christmas
by Richard Lederer
If athletes get athlete’s foot, astronauts get missile toe.
A bird dog could be called a point setter.
James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel
The Deer Sleigher.
What’s the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged
angel? It’s a matter of a pinion!

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THE SANTA CLAUS LAWSUIT
CHICAGO – The American Civil Liberties Union announced
today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus
for violations of the civil rights of children.
An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge, stated that, “Mr.
Claus has been violating children’s right to privacy
and has been putting that information in a vast
database. The information is then used [...]

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POLITICALLY CORRECT ‘Twas the night before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”.
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released [...]

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