Political Holiday Guide
.
Republicans say “Merry Christmas!”
Democrats say “Happy Holidays!”
.
Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending $50
to the Salvation Army.
Democrats help the poor by giving $50, one buck at a
time, to homeless people on the street.
.
Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list
by giving them fruitcakes.
Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.
.
Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas
Eve.
Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.
.
When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog
or mulled wine.
Democrats ask for a “Bud.”
.
When not in stores, Republicans shop from a catalog.
Democrats watch for “incredible TV offers” on late night
television.
.
Democrats do much of their shopping at Target and Wal-
Mart.
So do Republicans, but they don’t admit it.
.
Republican parents have no problem buying toy guns for their
kids.
Democrats refuse to do so. That is why their kids
pretend to shoot each other with dolls.
.
Republicans spends hundreds of dollars and hours of
work decorating the yard with outdoor lights and
Christmas displays.
Democrats save their time and money, and drive around at
night to look at *other* people’s lights.
.
Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is “Miracle on 34th
Street.”
Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is “It’s a
Wonderful Life.”
Right-Wing Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is
“Die Hard.”
.
Republicans always take the price tag off expensive
gifts before wrapping.
Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts…
and reposition them to make sure they are seen.
.
Republicans wear wide red ties and green sports jackets
during the festive season.
Democrats do too, all year round.
.
Most Republicans try, at least once, enclosing
indulgent, wretchedly maudlin form letters about their
families in their Christmas cards.
Public ridicule from Democrats usually discourages them
from doing it again.
.
Democrats’ favorite Christmas carol is “Deck the Halls.”
Young Democrats’ favorite Christmas carol is “Grandma
Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”
Republicans’ favorite Christmas carol is “White
Christmas.”
Young Republicans’ favorite Christmas carol is “White
Christmas.”
.
Cheapskate Republicans buy an artificial Christmas tree.
Tight-fisted Democrats buy a real tree, but they wait
until the week before Christmas when the lots lower
their prices.
Green Democrats buy a real tree with roots, and then
replant it after New Years.
.
Republicans see nothing wrong with letting their
children play “Cowboys and Indians.”
Democrats don’t either, as long as the Indians win.
.
Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when
they stopped believing in Santa Claus.
.
Democrat men like to watch football while the women fix
holiday meals.
On this, Republicans are in full agreement.